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May 16 2018

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Honestly I’m both sides of this conversation

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brooklyn nine nine getting cancelled vs brooklyn nine nine being renewed the next day

Sponsored post

May 15 2018

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A 1950 Italian lipstick case from David Weingarten’s collection of souvenir buildings.





I’m constantly torn between “if it’s meant to be, it will be” and “if you want it, go and get it.”

“if it’s meant to be, it will be” - friendships, relationships, people in general coming into your life, dealing with rejection

“if you want it, go get it” - your goals, aspirations, work and work ethic, changing your life (diet, exercise, hobbies, political views, opinions)

^this seemed important

flower shop/tattoo parlor aus are out and THIS as an au is in

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this is not a helpful translation, google.


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twitter cher is a GIFT to this wretched world

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Feather River Bulletin, Quincy, California, March 20, 1924


man. Remember the first time you watched Thor: Ragnarok (2017) Dir. Taika Waititi and hela asked thor ‘what were the god of again?’ and then it went to loki smirking and you KNEW something good was coming. And then immigrant song started to kick in and the LIGHTING started and you felt your SOUL leave your body and go to another plan of existance. Then Thor desending lighting and all onto that pile of aliens in slow motion looking goddamn RENAISSANCE painting? That moment changed me! the DRAMA! The rest of that scene? Valkyrie, Loki, and Hulk fighting together? Thor’s LIGHTING striking those aliens straight outta there like they were fucking ants? ICONIC! The iconic truly JUMPED out of that movie! Taika Waititi took my hand in that movie, told me it was all gonna be ok and then changed my life FOREVER! That was ART! Mr. Waititi thank you for my LIFE

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my perfect crime? I memorize the entirety of the macy’s store inventory. I then go on aliexpress.com and find exact replicas of every single purse in the store. I break in at 3am, and replace every purse with a cheaper version of the purse. I take my real purses home and open up an online store on the darknet featuring fake purses. I then sell these real purses as fake purses, making it so that when the feds catch on to my antics, they spend countless years trying to figure out who can replicate purses this well, and who is selling them. Soon an entire division of the FBI is dedicated to finding me and figuring out how my “fake” purses appear to be real. 45 years later they finally trace my ip address and break into my villa in texas and shoot me right in the leg when i attempt to flee. While this would normally not be a fatal wound, due to my constant devotion to my online fake real purse storefront i have suffered an iron deficiency for 35 years. My blood can’t clot and I start to bleed out. Turns out the woman who shot me was a girl who i made out with once in college, and she holds my dying body in her arms and asks me how my fake purses were so real. I spend the last moments of my fleeting life telling her about how every five years i break into a different Macy’s and replace all the purses, and that the purses I have been selling online for a severely discounted price were actually all real, and I have been doing this purely for the gag of it all. When my former college girlfriend gets home from work after rightfully murdering me for my crimes, she goes into her walk in closet, looks at the 13 gucci purses she owns, and realizes that they’re all fakes.

this passed the bechdel test



i go absolutely ape shit buck wild when people ask me if i want to run errands with them like Let’s Fucking Go. and my mind absolutely maxes out of dopamine when they ask if i wanna stop for coffee. and if someone took me to the park id go bonkers in funcking yonkers

i got so high last night that i started ghostwriting for a golden retriever apparently

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he always assumes the worst 

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https://ift.tt/2jkPPpX “Dried up paint out of the tube”

fucked up

“Dried up paint out of the tube” is an anagram of “fd up if true. Neat photo. I die”

May 14 2018

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Which led to my night terrors. And my winning the 4th grade spelling bee. 




Fuckboy Deadpool stans: *identify with Deadpool as some sort of outlet of their insecure masculinity/heterosexuality and rebellion against “PC” culture*

Ryan Reynolds: *reaffirms Deadpool as pansexual literally every chance he gets, wants Deadpool to have a boyfriend in the film franchise, makes Deadpool act campy and effeminate as fuck in the movies, does a charity campaign for cancer where Deadpool dresses in pink and sits next to a pillow that literally says “feminist” on it, goes out of his way to hire a woman of color to portray the female lead in Deadpool 2, literally hires Celine Dion to write a Titanic-esque power ballad for the Deadpool 2 soundtrack and makes a music video where Deadpool prances around in high heels feeling his fantasy like the gayest gay that ever gayed*

Fuckboi Deadpool stans

You gotta love Ryan Reynolds, because he truly was born to play this character.

He’s a canadian composed of snark. He basically is deadpool minus the tragic backstory

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good evening! what the fuck

the fact op is a sneeze fetish blog just makes this infinitely funnier

this post steadily paralyzed my body like a neurotoxin

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Not to be dramatic or anything but….who do I have to bribe to make this happen?

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