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July 23 2017

July 21 2017

plaidasaurus:

this one time I ran a red light on mistake and I didn’t notice it was red until it was too late so I just ran the light screeching like an angry pterodactyl the entire time

a cop was at the intersection so he pulled me over and when he came up to my window he was wheezing cause he was laughing so hard and he said

“ok so i know you ran a red light and that’s really bad and you should never do it again but i’m not gonna give you a ticket cause that was the funniest thing i’ve ever seen and my partner can’t get out of the car cause he’s laughing so hard he’s about to pee himself”

i forgot that i’d had my window open when i ran the red light and the cop told me that all he heard from my car was this really high-pitched “screeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEAAAHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”

and that’s how i got out of getting a ticket for running a red light

July 15 2017

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awed-frog:

You didn’t need your heart today, right? Good.

neilnevins:

Had a dream that McDonald’s had a big ad campaign that just said “WE HAVE IT” in black cryptic writing. So I went to a drive thru and said “I saw the sign. Can I have it” and the speaker was silent for a solid ten seconds before saying “do you think you’re ready” in my voice and I screamed and drove away

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sixpenceee:

Stephen King with Nathan Grantham in zombie costume during the filming of Creepshow.

johnlocklives:

musterni-illustrates:

ok so i made the mistake of standing on the beach in the dark and listen…….. listen. there is nothing that cares about you less than the ocean in the dead of night. it is tangible. you can’t fuckin see a thing. there is no horizon. it’s a ceaseless void and she cares for no one and loves nothing. you have to respect her bcs she clearly has no fuckin love for you and if she wanted she could take you and NO ONE WOULD KNOW

OMG I’M IN LOVE WITH THIS

i kis u

cat-pun:

smorch

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babyanimalgifs:

this is so cute

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wisteriafield:

i’ll kick anyone’s ass. i’ll kick your ass. i’ll kick your dog’s ass. i’ll kick my own ass

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rebel-rebel:

How is this no-budget youtube show the fucking funniest thing

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fashion-runways:

VALENTINO Pre-Fall 2015 — Galaxy details

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sixpenceee:

In Sydney you’ll find these fun urban interventions by artist Michael Pederson. (Source) For bizarre world posts: https://sixpenceee.com/tagged/world

July 10 2017

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July 09 2017

marauders4evr:

marauders4evr:

I know the magic emitted by them was slightly different but at some point here we need to talk about the fact that 17 year old Ron Weasley grew temperamental and abandoned his friends when around the horcrux for a few months while 11 year old Ginny Weasley interacted with a horcrux every single day for an entire year to the point where it literally sucked out 99% of her soul and never said one negative thing.

Kinda gives more strength to Harry’s remark that Ron would have been saying all of those things even without the horcrux.

Um…yeah I am absolutely going to ignore it because Tom Riddle openly admitted that he hypnotized her into killing the chickens so that the roosters wouldn’t crow and kill the Basilisk. She had nothing to do with it.

It’s not like Ginny Weasley said, “Fuck chickens in particular.”

(I feel like I need that last line on a t-shirt.)

sthourbill:

guys do you remember when they had these at mcdonalds and they were literally the best things ever

image

July 08 2017

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agirlinahellasweater:

POUR JUICE ON YOUR BABY. J UUSTT PP OURR J UCIICCE ALL OVOEOR RYOUR YOUN GG  CHILDD, J US T DO I T YO U PIE CE OF

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dailybadjokes:

What’s the difference between an angry circus owner and a Roman barber?

One is a raving showman, and the other is a shaving Roman!

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