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Comedians in a nutshell

blackbird-and-the-heropon:

Jim Gaffigan: I love food so much none of you even understand

Jeff Dunham: I’m a normal guy with a fun life and a nice family haha :-)
Jeff Dunham: now let me bring out my first puppet
Puppet: HAIL SATAN MAKE 9/11 HAPPEN AGAIN HAHAHAHAHAHA

Bo Burnham: guys seriously I’m not gay
Bo Burnham: someone has to insert their penis in my asshole right now

Kevin Hart: GUYS DID YOU KNOW I’M SHORT AND BLACK DIDYA DIDYA DIDYA

Chris Rock: I’M GONNA REPEAT THIS SETENCE FIVE TO TEN TIMES BEFORE I MAKE MY JOKE
Chris Rock: I’M GONNA REPEAT THIS SETENCE FIVE TO TEN TIMES BEFORE I MAKE MY JOKE
Chris Rock: I’M GONNA REPEAT THIS SETENCE FIVE TO TEN TIMES BEFORE I MAKE MY JOKE
Chris Rock: I’M GONNA REPEAT THIS SETENCE FIVE TO TEN TIMES BEFORE I MAKE MY JOKE
Chris Rock: I’M GONNA REPEAT THIS SETENCE FIVE TO TEN TIMES BEFORE I MAKE MY JOKE

Daniel Tosh: if I don’t personally offend at least 1000 people tonight my life will be over

Louis C.K: have you ever woken up with your mouth in your own asshole I have

Bill Burr: WAKE THE FUCK UP AMERICA IF I SPEAK LOUDER WILL THAT MAKE ME FUNNIER

Gabriel Iglesias: I’m so Spanish lol
Gabriel Iglesias: why does everyone call me Spanish???????
Gabriel Iglesias: *makes impersonation of a Spanish guy
Gabriel Iglesias: food
Gabriel Iglesias: I’m fluffy

Dane Cook: GUYS CHECK OUT THIS NEW INFORMATION I JUST RECEIVED
so appARENTLY cows have these things like UTTERS and they’re pink and they have like FIVE penises and I just find it SO FASCINATING :ooooOOOOoooooo

Lewis Black: So politics are really stupid but I’m gonna talk about them
Lewis Black: so yeah democrats are retarded and SO ARE THE REPUBLICANS EVERY SINGLE FUCKING POLITICIAN IS FUCKING RETARDED AND ANDKSHALDNSLJSOEJSPSLSJDJSLSJKSDBKS *explodes*

George Carlin: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH AMERICA GOD ISN’T REAL YOU STUPID RETARDED WASTE OF HUMAN LIVES DIE DIE DIE EVERYONE DIE

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