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"Tell the chef, the beer is on me."
Trainability in cats is a funny thing.
My cats understand and will obey a number of verbal commands, one of which is “go away”. I don’t use it often, but if they’re bugging me and I’m trying to work or doing something that could be dangerous for cats, I can tell them to go away, and off they go - they’ll only keep pestering me if there’s a serious problem they need me to look at.
That said, their idea of a serious problem that requires my attention is somewhat eccentric. Previous instances have included:
- There was an unfamiliar car parked across the street
- Their water bowl was four inches to the left of its usual position
- One of them had puked on the stairs and they didn’t want to walk past it
- It was raining
- One of them saw a weird bug
These are all very important things that required your attention. They’re doing a good job.
Dogs really aren’t much better. I teach all my dogs the command “show me”. How it works is if the dog needs something but I’m having trouble understanding what exactly they’re trying to tell me, I say “show me” and they lead me to whatever the problem is. Usually they lead me to a real problem (like a toy that got stuck under the couch, their water bowl is empty, etc). But sometimes they want me to fix things like this-
- They pulled the covers off my bed and now they want me to put the covers back
- They put their ball on top of the ottoman but the ottoman won’t throw it for them
- The cat is sleeping and won’t chase them
- A flower fell off the potted plant
- The cat is sitting in a box and they don’t like it
- One of them lost their bandana
- The cat won’t take the toy they’re trying to give her
- The cat DID take the toy they gave her and now they want it back
so at the bar in which I work, there’s an unofficial rule that all of our door staff must have names that start with D or rhyme with ‘doorman’, which has led to me befriending a trio of six foot four men with beards called Doorman Logan, Doorman Drew, and Doorman Dan.
now, let me tell you now that Doorman Dan is the absolute love of my life. I don’t care that he’s a decade older than me and has a fiance. you know when someone is so extraordinary or impossible to define that they’re simply referred to as ‘a character’? that’s Doorman Dan. now, before I get into his personality, let’s describe his appearance. imagine the most stereotypical Scandinavian person ever: tall, white-blond, strong-jawed. now, add a heavy South Walian accent and an orange jumper.
that’s Doorman Dan.
since meeting him last year, I’ve discovered:
- he once had a dream that he had a tattoo that said ‘shit happens’ on his left arsecheek, so when he woke up he decided he had to fulfil the prophecy and got it tattooed on his arse by a bloke called Junkie Jeff at 9AM
- he forgot to call his girlfriend for three months while he was in the army, and was completely unaware they had broken up until he wished her a happy Christmas and she responded with ‘what the fuck Dan’
- accidentally married his army buddy in Vegas for thirty-six hours
- he saw someone beating up a guy for being gay, and instead of jumping in and fighting back he decided to get absolutely bollock-naked and stand in front of the homophobe until he got freaked out and ran off
- he has a millionare buddy who rings him up once a month for ‘mystery adventures’, one of which has resulted in Doorman Dan no longer being allowed inside any John Lewis shops
- he is convinced the love of his life is not his fiancee, but a man named Ned. upon being asked who Ned is, he shrugged and responded with: “I’ll know when I meet him.”
- he runs an Instagram account dedicated to his pet rabbits and refuses to let people into the bar unless they follow him
- his fiancee booked a wedding venue before he even proposed. “I don’t even know if I’m invited, truth be told.”
- when he caught a couple having sex in our loos, he didn’t want to intrude so he just gently knocked on the door and asked if they’d like a snack
- he has created his own non-alcoholic cocktail called Doorman’s Sunrise because he feels left out being the only person on the dance floor without a drink when he’s patrolling the bar
I could honestly write a ten-season sitcom about him
We tell the stories of our elders in the never ending chain.
In an earlier version of the story, Moana came face to face with her ancestors one by one, going back for generations. The idea behind these characters were that because older generations were voyaging through the pacific, expanding their reach on the world around them, their costumes are more eclectic and expansive. Over time voyagers all but stopped exploring, so their costumes became simpler and more limited.
Copyright Walt Disney Animation Studios
who was the fool who was tasked with naming the galaxy and the only adjective they could think of was ‘mmmmmmmmmmmmilky…’
scientist: (gazing up at space)
scientist: ……….. it sure is a milky boy
YOU DONT UNDERSTAND
ASTRONOMERS ARE THE SHITTIEST EVER AT NAMING THINGS I KID YOU NOT.
When it came time to name the two theoretical particle types that might be dark matter THEY INTENTIONALLY CHOSE THE NAMES SO THAT THE ACRONYMS WOULD SPELL “WIMPS” AND “MACHOS” I SHIT YOU NOT
THEY ARE FUCKING TERRIBLE AT NAMING ANYTHING
I just listened to a talk by Neil deGrasse Tyson himself LAST NIGHT and he went on about this more than once.
“I’m walking down the street and I’m like ‘ooh pretty rock…’ and some Geologist is like ‘actually, that’s anorthosite feldspar’ and I’m like ‘Nevermind, I don’t want it anymore.’ Any biologists in the audience? [some clapping] Yeah, you know what I’m talking about. The most important molecule in the human body, what did you name it? It has NINE SYLLABLES and it’s so long that even YOU GUYS abbreviate it as ‘DNA’!
But astrophysicists and astronomers? No, man, we call it like we see it. Star made of neutrons? NEUTRON STAR. Small white star? WHITE DWARF. You know that big red spot on Jupiter? Know what we called it? JUPITER’S RED SPOT.”
okay i’m glad you mentioned the biologist nonsense bc their naming methods are the bane of my existence
I see your astrophysicists-are-shit-at-names and raise you Marine-Biologists-Are-Fucking-Maniacs.
See this beautiful creature?
It’s a carnivorous deep-sea sponge that lives off of Easter Island and never sees the light of day, as it’s about 9000 feet down. Those delicate-looking orbs are covered in millions of tiny hooked spines, which latch onto anything unfortunate enough to bump into it, and hold it in place as it is digested alive by the sponge’s skin. Amazing, beautiful and profoundly creepy. They could have given it so many cool names. Could have drawn on mythology (I think Scylla would have been an appropriate reference), the region it was found in, the textured skin, PHAGOCYTOSIS, anything!
You wanna know what they called it?
PING-PONG TREE SPONGE.
Good job, marine biologists.
“so what if that book had a bad movie adaptation? it’s impossible to make a completely satisfying movie version of a book, stop complaining!”
Wasn’t he fat tho
They considered letting Shia Lebeouf put on pounds before the filming, and lose them throughout the film, but that would have been extremely unhealthy, especially for an actor his age, so they decided to cut that aspect out.
for once i respect directors
AU where everything is exactly the same except Adam never turns into a beast and just needs to learn some manners
#i think it’s be a whole other level of amazing if the enchantresses curse made him APPEAR like a beast to everyone except him#so he’s not actually transformed - but everyone sees him as though he is#bc that’d be so amazingly messed up that he’d *think* he was fine when he looked at himself#but everyone’s reactions to him (horror/fear/disgust) were still A Thing#and that only changed with his behaviour#so as long as he behaved selfishly and horribly he’d be seen/reacted to that way#but the more effort he put into changing his own actions the illusion would soften#but directly proportional to his behaviour
Customer (calling from Ireland): “Yes hello, I would like to -”
Sheep in the background: *gentle baa*
Customer: “Uh, sorry, what I want to do is -”
Sheep: *slightly more insistent baa*
Customer: “No, not now! -cough- Excuse me. I have a reservation and -”
Sheep: *VERY LOUD ACCUSATORY BAA*
Customer: “Arnulf! Please be quiet, I am on the phone! … Sorry, I sincerely apologize on behalf of Arnulf.”
me: “I love and forgive him.”
Customer: “Don’t, he doesn’t deserve it. Anyway, I’m calling about -”
Arnulf: *small, very self-satisfied baa*
exactly 1 minute ago i had absolutely no idea what the plants sesame seeds and peanuts came from look like and i am shocked and surprised
With Kate Mckinnon voicing Ms Frizzle, imagine how upset conservatives will get when they find out a lesbian is using magic to teach kids science. It’s like their worst nightmare.
And it’s even cooler because Ms Frizzle used to be voiced by Lily Tomlin, who is also a lesbian. So basically Ms Frizzle is a lesbian by association.
Of course she’s lesbian what straight woman owns a lizard and drives a bus
"Tell the chef, the beer is on me."
"Basically the price of a night on the town!"
"I'd love to help kickstart continued development! And 0 EUR/month really does make fiscal sense too... maybe I'll even get a shirt?" (there will be limited edition shirts for two and other goodies for each supporter as soon as we sold the 200)